Just when you thought it was safe to open your mail, along comes an invite for this Extraordinary Elfin Marriage. Although I can't explain the following biode­gradable moments without charts and graphs, while munching on Bolivian health food, just let me say that I'm "REALLY Not Making This Up!" So, here goes ...

Once upon a time in the enchanting hamlet of Hopesville--that's the castle of Jock and Hope SCHWANK--Lady Honey Do (attended by Lady Joyful) joined Royal Traveler Mork (Sir Duck WADDLE) in matrimony whereat they pledged troth to their liege of life and limb on a rainy Sunday after shadows on the 18th of July in the year of our Lord 2000 nay one. Alas and slack-they're elves, you see. The bride wore chantilly lace and the groom was attired in medieval motley. The cer­emony (full text available from Midget Press) was officiated by his Monkness St. Andrew (BIANCUR) of Salt Lake City. Hoi polloi, engaging in badinage whilst attending this event, were Ron and Connie YATES, George and Diana PUPICH, Rosie and Karen CLER, Jim and Mary WADDLE, Chris and Pat WARACK, Dick SEXTON, Andi BIANCUR and Carole Kramer, Jim GLAZA and Jeannette Howes, Barbara KENDALL, and other creatures of the forest: knaves, curs, damsels-in-­distress, a mountebank, two wags, tommyknockers, a cad, warlock, jackanape, several wanton churls, and a plug-ugly. Anon, guests devoured a bountiful array of loblolly, tiny sandwiches, miniature M&Ms, and goblets of mead. Since elves must wait 100 years before marrying, the obviously excited couple sallied forth IMMEDIATELY after the ceremony, where a little red El Jebel parade car whisked them off to their Elf-Moon cottage in Tiny Town, CO (R: attending this wedding was both nonplussing and underwhelming, somewhat akin to being Puck's pa­role officer in "A Midsummer Night's Dream"). The Little People lived happily ever after in ouphean bliss. And that's the truth. Mostly.

Bill CARNEGIE (MBA, Rutgers) updated from Montville, NJ: "I'm going to work another four years for Le Credit Lyonnais Bank in NYC, and wife, Anne, plans on being an elementary school nurse for three more years. France recently sold the bank to the public while we were on a two-week vacation in Provence, which means the bank's scandals might become a thing of the past. Our son Tom lives in the D.C. area and daughter Karen is an animator for L.A.'s Tri-Star. For theY2K New Year's Eve, I have to work TDY in NYC (23 miles away). And, I'll be at the 40's reunion!"

Bill, Anne,Karen and Tom Carnegie

Winner of Generals Millard and Hubert Harmon Award to Outstanding Cadet in Merit, Alex ZIMMERMAN (he really raised the "brains bar" for most of us) writes from Albuquerque: "After retiring in '82, I went to grad school in computer sci­ence and worked as a programmer at TRW, primarily doing work for the Navy. Also built some accounting software for Ford. Daughter Ruth lives here and has her own massage therapy business of eight employees. Son Kenneth is a grad student in math at the U. of New Mexico--his favorite thing is racing bicycles. Wife, Pam, is trying her hand at a home-based business demonstrating and sell­ing rubber stamps. I have one beehive on the side of our house--about as many as the neighbors can stand. My plan is to work 'til I'm 70, unless they kick the door out sooner." (R: on the class standing thing, I've always had a grudge against Alex about that deal. Here I was running for top gun until the very end, even as I was taking an Astro turnout three days before we graduated. And Alex beats me out ­something about demerits or grades. But, I still ended up in the top 98 percent of outclass!)

Bill HALES (Pistol Team 4) e-mailed: "Chuck and Edie DIVER were the first stop on a recent odyssey after my wife, Joan, died of early onset Alzheimer's disease, and I had sold my apartment building business. I am on my own now, and hope to renew/rebuild some important relationships, plan to attend our 40th reunion and become more involved with our class. By the way, after visiting the DIVERs, I drove to San Jose/Cupertino and visited Charlie and Kathy LIGGETT, who I hadn't seen since pilot training. It was as if we had never missed a day! I recommend both couples as 'bed and breakfast' stops."

And from Pete KING: "My support work for the 60K loader program took me to St. Louis the end of June where I had dinner with George and Jan COLLIER. George is doing fine after some medical problems a couple of years ago. And in early July, Linda and I were in Huntsville (AL), where we had dinner with Russ and Glenda CURREY. Russ has a support job with the Army there. They all promised to join us at our 40th reunion."

From Santa Barbara July 24ffi: "Susan and I spent four days with Captain Bill and Admiral Nancy SIEBECKER on the Balding Eagle IL Brand new 54-foot custom power boat with two 800-hp diesels, two queen-bedded staterooms, and twin icemakers (in case one fails). I understand the Balding Eagle I went down during a big party off Miami Beach. We were in a marina at the Old Port in Montreal for the Annual International Fireworks Competition" (Goose GULBRANSEN).

Lew PRICE says that wife, Sherry, retired from nursing, allowing them to pur­sue their considerable prominence in the design of fluting (flauting?): "Thanks to the unique education we received and our insatiable curiosity, those two books we've written and a computer program on flute theory are enjoying a worldwide market. According to experts, it was impossible to design a correct flute using equations. But, my name is now in three Marquis Who's Who publications, in­cluding Who's Who in the World, which covers 214 nations."

Doolie-year roommate Mike MCCALL (Lacrosse 2, 1) is going ahead after the death of his wife, Ruby: "I started a small tax business in Vacaville, CA. Ruby and I had two sons, one an options maker on the Pacific Exchange, the other a management con­sultant in Seattle. Both married women we would have picked out of the daughter-­in-law catalog. The two girls each had a boy and girl, four total grandchildren in 28 months, and the oldest turns five in February 2000. The California family moved to Fairfield, CA in April, and that has become HQ for the family. With Ruby gone, I play grandpa and rode to Seattle and Portland July 10-11. Not quite in a league with Frank MAYBERRY, but trying." Mike later added: "I'll be on the Rhapsody of the Seas vessel with the whole family for Y2K in SF Harbor watching the fireworks. Think they planned it that way so we wouldn't have so far to swim when everything goes haywire. I plan to make the 40th reunion."

This quarter's What I Am Famous For Award goes to James Edward (Duck) WADDLE. As the old joke goes: "How do you get to Carnegie Hall, Sir?" "Practice, Practice, Practice, My Boy." Accompanied by wife, Mary, Duck made his choral debut as part of a 300-voice choir that sang Brahms' Requiem at Carnegie Hall in 1992--the only '60 grad to accomplish that feat. (Duck's family crest reads: "If it walks like a duck, and it talks like a duck, it must also WADDLE!") Jim and Mary spent three weeks in Switzerland and Italy this summer, singing with their church choir in the International Church Music Festival in Berne.

Duck and Mary in front of the Eiger and Jungfrau

The Summer Social Swirl in the Springs' area included Dick and Sharon SCHEHR's Annual Pre-Tailgate Party on August 1st at their home near Monument, during which they showed a video of last year's bowl game in Oahu to the PUPICHes, WADDLEs,YATESes, Dick SEXTON, Jim GLAZA and friend Jeannette (Karen and I weren't there, since it was a school night). Served were the four basic food colors--red sarsaparilla, beige potato chips, blackened barbecue, and Apple Brown Betty (Dick is noted for the SCHEHR splendor of his parties).

Potpourri. Complaining about the treatment of VMI's female cadets in a Letter to the Editor of the Arlington (VA) Daily Press has gotten George (NMN) FRIES into hot water with school administrators: "No Way to Treat Rats." ... TRIVIA-60: Did you know that we almost selected the Tiger, rather than the Falcon, for our mascot? And, which of our humble (?) classmates won the 1956 state champion­ship for the half-mile in Tennessee (state motto: We Don't Even Have Shoes, Let Alone Track Shoes) ... Former Jarhead Howie WHITFIELD sent me a copy of an article in a recent issue of Rotor Review entitled "Husband and Wife Winged To­gether. "Quote: "The KRIEGERs are both graduates of the U.S. Air Force Academy ('96), receiving commissions in the U.S. Navy. Kathy decided to change services because she was not tall enough to fly according to AF standards. The Navy, on the other hand, uses an anthropometric standard, which qualified her to take ad­vantage of opportunities unavailable in the AE" (Comments, anyone?) ... Dick and Sally SEXTON moved from Ft. Washington, MD in April 1999, and are building a new home in the Springs (with an unobstructed view of the Academy and Pikes Peak) ... Barbara KENDALL whispers that Wayne's been spending a lot of time up in Alaska, wearing mukluks, and SUPPOSEDLY giving flight physicals to FedEx pilots (R to Barb: those Inuit squaws are REAL cute.) ... Roy and Barbara JOLLY made three trips from their Mesquite (NV) home to Colorado in their motor home this summer, each time averaging more electrical problems per mile than MPG. Their last trip was in late August for a JOLLY (ho, ho, ho) reunion in Strasbourg, CO. Roy's been strong-arming various classmates to attend our 40th, and says that Charlie HART, Ed HAERTER, and John GUTZWEILER will be there (go forth and multiply, guys)! ... Bill and Kath GILLIS are in their new home at 1605 Tyndall Drive, Panama City, FL 32401-4064,(850) 873-7206 ... The picture was taken at the AFA­ Villanova game on 9/4/99.

Ron and Connie Yates, Sharon and Dick Schehr, Karen and Rosie Cler (kneeling), Mary and Duck Waddle, Carole Kramer and Andi Biancur, Barbara Crew, Chris Warack, Fred and Mary Lou Porter, Killer and Barbara Kendall, Diana and Deorge Pupich, and Jim Glaza

Presidential Ticket. The Cocktail Party entered Mike LOH for President and Ron YATES for VP in the'96 campaign, and they lost big-time. Mike has elected not to run this term, citing a desire to "spend more time with my family." After long hours of debate in a smoke-filled room in the back of Doolittle Hall, party cronies have nominated Ronald Wilburn (We'll Be For Wilby) YATES for Prez, and Tony (He's No Phony) BURSHNICK for Veep. (R: although I don't know what a Presi­dent actually does, I'm positive that Ron would be damned good at it. And Tony satisfied us with his response to the drug question: "Did you ever use Coke?" "No but I had a diet Pepsi after the '59 Cotton Bowl".) I've already seen a few bumper stickers reading "Run, Ron, Run"--although they've all been on the front of the cars! Stay tuned.

Y2K. As you read this, the nation's atomic chronometer at the Naval Observatory's getting ready to release its' "time ball" at the precise instant the year 2000 arrives in Washington (5761, if you're in Jerusalem). I'm just wondering if there are still rooms at the Fiji Sheraton or B&D Arms in Tonga. Karen and I are pretty much Y2K-OK, having stocked up on Twinkies, perfumed toilet paper, BubbleYum, pork & beans, Altoids, nutriceuticals (St. John's Wort, Prozac, and anti-plague pills), dried kiwi, candles, and two sizes of duct tape. Nostradamus forewarned all you Chicken Littles and Cassandras by telling you to punch 01-01-00 into your Apple or Mac or abacus and SEE what happens when the big hand hits MM! This is a good time for getting computer glitches to settle old scores, so I've booked Archie Higdon's body on an Aeroflot flight from Lapland to Chad. As for the CLERs, we're waiting out the tsunamis while singing La Vida Loca and relaxing within the krypton-lined walls of our bomb shelter far from the madding crowd. Have a Great Millennium and a Happy New Year, Sirs.

Final transmission: Water gone. Stop. Oxygen low. Stop. Wake me when it's over. Stop. Out from the Rose.

(Sad note: As this issue was going to press, we were informed that Christian Adam WARACK died Oct. 27, 1999 of a heart attack. Chris' funeral was held at the Acad­emy Chapel Nov. 1st, with interment at the USAFA Cemetery. Condolences may be made to his wife, Pat, at 705 Winding Hills Road, Monument CO 80132. Her phone number is (719) 488-2504.)